


Say My Name

by Mechanicalism



Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Amnesia, Angst, Emotional Constipation, Espionage, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Loss of Identity, Mutual Pining, Name Changes, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Multiple, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn, but Sole goes by several names, seriously I'll try to make it easy to keep track of, sneaky spies doing sneaky spy things
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 03:47:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29818947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mechanicalism/pseuds/Mechanicalism
Summary: How do you find answers to questions you don't even know?A woman crawls out of a vault, desperate to remember her past. Can she find what she's looking for with the help of a man just as desperate to forget his own?Sometimes all you can do is take on the new world headfirst, and hope you find what you're looking for.
Relationships: Deacon/Female Sole Survivor, Deacon/Sole Survivor (Fallout)
Kudos: 4





	1. When I Was Done Dying

**Author's Note:**

> So this is a rewrite of the original 'Say My Name' since I really wasn't happy with how it was going. I'm much happier with how this one is coming out, but I'm still a new writer, so we're in for a ride, either way.
> 
> As is usual, I've got a playlist to go along with the story [HERE](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0wyeUI8snLiWMer8Mu9tu9?si=_DJmxQyLQNSz4dnL8C9zdg)!
> 
> I hope y'all enjoy!

Her eyes flashed open as she struggled to draw in air – the muscles of her chest seemingly frozen in place – and the panic crashed through her. Distantly, she could hear a warbling buzz echoing through the abyss, and a voice began to cut through it at regular intervals, though she could make nothing out. The burning in her lungs was only getting worse, and her vision already going dark again. The buzzing in her ears became a blaring alarm, the voice alerting her to something… A… cryogenic... array? With a herculean effort, she just barely managed to slap a fist against the steel and glass in front of her, skin feeling as if it would shatter like glass as the frost began to fall from it. By the time she managed to raise a second fist, the pod she’d been trapped in swung open and she collapsed into a heap on the slick, wet concrete below, unable to do anything but cough and struggle for breath as the uncontrollable trembling took over.

For what felt like hours, she could only lay there, taking deep, ragged breaths and waiting for her vision to clear and the feeling to come back to her limbs. She looked around using only her eyes, her head being still too heavy to lift, to see several rows of pods, all identical to the one she had been in, but none of them open.

_Where am I?_

The nerve endings across her skin roared with fire as they came back to life in a steady frenzy. She pulled herself on her hands and knees, swaying in her weakened state, before dragging herself up using her empty pod as support. She was in a vault, that much she could tell given her surroundings and the clingy blue jumpsuit she was sporting, vault 111 if the fading yellow paint on the walls could be trusted. She stepped forward gingerly, trying not to hit the ground again, and peered into the pod across from her, freezing on the spot.

There was a man in there. A very dead man, if the bullet hole between his eyes was any indication. She felt like she should know him. She steadily made her way to the other pods, looking inside to the other deceased occupants, though these without gunshot wounds. She felt like she should know all of them; they all seemed so familiar, but she just couldn’t place them.

She couldn’t place a lot of things, now that she thought about it.

There were the bombs. She could remember there had been a war… It was 2077, October she thought. Newscaster’s broadcast cut to static. Panic. Running. Indescribable heat followed by seeping cold. Then, nothing. The bombs had dropped. It was the end of the world.

Outside of that were just fuzzy images of a past life, faded snapshots torn to shreds and shuffled so much they made little sense.

She dragged her still numb feet out of the room to a door labeled as an exit, only for a new message to call across the speaker system. It wouldn’t open. She swallowed the rising panic in her chest; there had to be another way out. Carefully, she made her way through a few more rooms, until she came to one with a large window, a large window with an even larger cockroach skittering on the other side. She dropped to a crouch, hiding just outside the doorway, and inched her way over to a security baton that had been left forgotten and dust-covered just under the window. If this is what nuclear war had done to simple roaches, then who knew what else was out there. She did know she’d need more than a glorified stick, and fast.

Fortunately, the roaches were easy enough to swat down with the baton, and she made her way past the skeletons of what she could only assume were the old vault scientists ( _How long has she been down here?_ ), and to the overseer’s office. There, she was grateful to find a pistol, several rounds of ammunition, and a couple of stimpaks. Some simple prodding with the terminal there opened the way to the emergency exit, and hopefully her salvation. She stared down the huge gear-shaped door as if willing itself to open, before spotting a Pip-Boy still wrapped around its skeletal owner’s wrist. After strapping it to her own, and managing to turn it on, she found the little retractable plug used to open the vault. She had to cover her ears to the screeching metal on metal sound the gear made as it slowly slid open, but as soon as it did she ran through it as fast as she could.

Little could prepare her for the blinding light from above as the elevator to the surface steadily ground upwards, and nothing at all could prepare her for the sheer magnitude of destruction that lay before her when she reached the surface. She dropped to her knees. Scorched earth, stripped trees, and the crumbling ruins of long-gone houses as far as the eye could see.

There was no salvation here, for she had no doubt this was Hell, and it was humanity that brought it forth.

Then she made the mistake of looking at the date on the Pip-Boy.

_2287_. More than two hundred years had passed. Two hundred years of radiation soaked Hell.

She ran down the hill towards where the ruined little neighborhood stood, slinking quietly into through the window of the first house she came across. There she began to dig through the remnants of dressers and a single suitcase, desperate to rid herself of the bright blue jumpsuit she crawled out with. She stripped down without ceremony and shoved her legs into a pair of slightly too short jeans, pulled a questionably stained white shirt over her head, and topped the ensemble off with the boots from her suit and a ragged flannel to ward off the chill in the late autumn air.

Once dressed, she sat on the floor to really get a good look at her surroundings. The tile flooring was peeled and cracked, piling up into the corners. It seemed every wall was littered with holes, and the roof could barely be called that at this point. Peeking through the holes, she could see this house was actually one of the sturdier structures – some of the other buildings had completely collapsed on themselves. Still, though, she felt far too exposed here; there was little cover, no deep shadows to hide in that her subconscious was drawing her to. She didn’t know what was out here anymore, but here she just felt cornered.

Then she heard the sounds.

A low hum and soft mechanical clanking drifted by the front of the house. She flicked the safety off her pistol and looked through the hole nearest her. It was a rusted Mr. Handy gliding along, seemingly trimming the dried remains of what must have been a flowering hedge at some point, acting as if nothing was amiss, that the world hadn’t ended. Quietly she crept from her hiding spot, staying low to the ground, and waited for the robot to begin its way towards the back of the house.

She made it to the bridge out of the neighborhood without being spotted, the robot being too distracted hacking away at the offending plant life to notice her. Just a ways down the road was an equally ruined gas station where she stopped as a massive dog came barreling towards her. She had her gun raised, ready to shoot, when the dog nearly slid to a sit, wagging his tail furiously.

“H-hey boy…” She squatted down to offer the dog her hand, catching her breath in the process, which he immediately began licking and drooling on. “You lose your owner?” _Bark!_ “I guess you can come with me if you want.”

_Not like I know where I’m going…_

The pair continued down the road together, the dog never wandering far from her. Before long they came across a town, Concord if she remembered correctly. She was grateful at least some of her memories remained intact. Of course, it seemed the second they stepped into the town, there was a cacophony of gunfire. The woman dropped low against a crumbling wall and was surprised when the dog seemed to do the same.

She poked her head around the corner, gun at the ready. Down the stretch of road, she could see makeshift barricades set up alongside rusted-out cars and burned-out buildings, people in strange, makeshift metal and leather patchwork armor screaming and waving crude weapons around. Their focus seemed to be on the tall building at the end of the street, where the distinct flash of red laser fire emanated from the balcony. Each blast of light seemed to be met with a corresponding cry of agony from the ground, as well as even more angry jeers and gunfire from below. It was obvious, whoever was on the balcony was close to being overwhelmed, and as much as she didn’t want to get involved, there was no way she could let these… these barbarians, do whatever it was they planned to the person up top.

Like her arms had a mind of their own, she aimed down the sights of her pistol towards one of the vehicles and squeezed the trigger. At first, nothing happened aside from some of the closest people turning to try to find the source of her shot. She quickly began to take aim again before an explosion shook the ground – the car burst into flames with what she had to assume was the luckiest shot she’d ever heard of. At least three of the people on the ground lay dead or grievously wounded, the latter she finished off in quick succession. The laser fire started up once again, and she saw the last few members of the mob drop like flies.

She looked down at the gun in her hands, noticing the slight tremble. Did she just… how many did she just murder, right then, right there? It came so easily. It shouldn’t come so easily.

The man on the balcony was calling to her, begging for help protecting the settlers inside, and there was no way she could ignore it. She snapped her head up and ran for the door, hoping she could reach them in time before the raiders could get to them.

The second she breached the door, the gunfire started up again, two raiders up on the higher floors raining down bullets. She ducked into a relatively covered corner and opened fire on them, bringing them down after a few shots each. More blood on her hands. She had to go around through a hallway blasting patriotic reenactment dialogue among a cluster of creepy mannequins to reach the stairs.

She moved quickly up the stairs and through the maze of hallways, taking out the few remaining raiders when a door swung open, revealing the man with the strange laser weapon who beckoned her inside. Behind him were four others – an elderly woman, a mechanic looking guy, and what appeared to be a couple, the woman looking bitter at the world and the man as if he’d just given up.

“You got here just in time, didn’t know how much longer we could have held up in here.” The man held his hand out, and she gave it a firm shake. “Preston Garvey, Commonwealth Minutemen.”

“Uhh…” She froze. It didn’t even occur to her until now, she actually couldn’t even remember her own name. She had to come up with something quick. Pushing her now unpinned hair out of her face, the ginger locks gave her an idea. “Copper. Yeah, I’m… Copper.”

Well, it was better than nothing.

“Well Copper,” Preston didn’t seem to think anything of her less than inspired fake name. “Thank god you were around. You really did a number on those raiders, huh? We’re on our way to a place called Sanctuary.” He gestured to an elderly woman near the back of the room. “Mama Murphy said it would be a safe place to settle. We’ve had nothing but bad luck so far, so this is really our last chance.”

Hearing her name, the old woman turned to face them, eyes hazy. “I told you, the Sight is never wrong,” her words came out as if she was half-dreaming. “And you,” she focused her attention on their newcomer. “You’re tied to that place, aren’t you?”

She was caught off guard by the old woman’s statement, “I… I don’t know what you mean. I only just passed through there.”

“You’re a woman out of time, out of hope,” Mama Murphy said. “But all's not lost. I can feel... There are answers out there for you, kid.”

“How do you know that? What do you mean ‘answers’?”

The old woman sighed, “The Sight ain’t always clear, but Diamond City is the next step on your road. Beyond that, it all gets hazy.”

“Diamond City?” She turned to look at Preston. “Where’s that? How do I get there?”

  
  


“New to the Commonwealth, huh?” She shrugged and nodded. “Well from here, just keep following the road out of town ‘til you hit Cambridge, after that it’s straight south. Can’t miss it.” Preston said. “Bit of a long walk though, and it’s getting late. You want to come with us to Sanctuary until morning?”

Copper shuddered at the thought of being there, not just because of the apparently deranged robot residing there, but something just felt off about the place. She didn’t know why, but she just had no desire to be there, so she declined the offer.

“Well, alright Copper. I hope we’ll see you around under better circumstances,” Preston nodded to the rest of the group. “Let’s go guys, Sanctuary’s not far.”

The group of them all made their way out of the building and into the evening sun, five headed north, one south. Preston insisted on sending her off with a handful of stimpaks and a few cans of water as thanks. Copper, she guessed she’d go by now, decided to send the dog along with them for the added protection. If the going was this rough outside the city limits, she didn’t want to risk him getting injured or worse the further in she got. It was one thing to risk yourself, but she didn’t feel right risking the life of someone else for her sake. No, she’d have to make this trip alone.

She needed answers. Answers to questions she didn’t even know.


	2. What Are You Looking For?

Copper felt far more at ease in the waning light of the evening and the deepening shadows that crept along the road. She could hear the echo of gunshots and laser fire through the air become more frequent as she neared the city, but felt insulated from it all wrapped in the darkness. As long as she kept her steps light and body low, it was almost like feeling invisible. Despite all that, and maybe it was just the creeping paranoia of being in such a lawless wasteland, she constantly felt watched, on edge, and ached to be able to push herself a little deeper into the shadows – to well and truly disappear.

At one point, her Pip-Boy let out a small ping, announcing it had picked up a nearby signal. She chose to ignore it, not wanting to create any more noise than necessary and draw attention to herself. So far, she’d managed to slip by even more raiders, alongside far more grotesque, shambling…  _ things  _ that vaguely resembled a human form, but covered in seared, melted flesh, gaping maws, and soulless, blank eyes. She knew it was the end of the world, but this was  _ the end of the world. _ She knew she no longer had any frame of reference, but she was pretty damn sure those things weren’t wandering around before the bombs. If they had been, someone surely would have obliterated the planet a lot sooner.

It was dawn by the time she saw her first sign directing her to this Diamond City, a simple case of following the arrows it seemed. Well, simple except for the turrets rapid-firing down a side street and what she assumed were city guards in baseball pads of all things running at breakneck speeds towards whatever was down there.

Not her business, and this time, she was going to stick to that. Unfortunately, when she did finally sneak up to the city gate, it was locked tight, and it looked like she wasn’t the only person wanting in.

“You open this gate right now Danny Sullivan!” the woman at the gate yelled into a tiny speaker. “I live here. You can't just lock me out!”

“I got orders not to let you in, Ms. Piper. I'm sorry. I'm just doing my job,” replied whoever was on the other end, Danny, Copper presumed. He sounded genuinely remorseful. The woman let out a frustrated growl; this exchange seemed to have been going on for a while now.

Copper hung around in the background, desperate to not get involved, but it seemed fate was not on her side. The other woman waved her over, and sure enough, she got to play the silent role of a caravaneer wanting into the city.  _ So much for not getting involved.  _ At least it seemed to work, as the gate slowly swung open with a reluctant sigh coming from the speaker.

At least her role didn’t involve any speaking, she didn’t feel like testing out her acting chops when all she wanted to do was fall into the nearest bed. God, she hoped there was a hotel or something inside. Maybe walking all night wasn’t the best idea, but whatever. Piper’s honestly questionable charade paid off, thankfully, and the pair of them were let into the city, but not before the woman, a reporter apparently, all but demanded an interview from her. Copper reluctantly agreed, if only out of thanks for getting her into town. Of course, she’d have to come up with some sort of backstory; she couldn’t imagine she’d be able to give much of a fascinating tale, considering she may as well have been born yesterday. Either way, the sooner she got this over with, the sooner she could find a place to pass out for like, the next sixteen hours.

Virtually the second the two of them walked into Piper’s office, the reporter rounded on her. “So, I know you’re a vault dweller.” That’s… one way to start an interview.

Copper’s brow quirked just slightly. “And how do you figure that?”

Piper smirked, “You may not be wearing the blue jumpsuit, but the Pip-Boy and fish out of water look? Dead giveaway, Blue.” Well, she did have her there. Copper figured she should find some way to stash the Pip-Boy in public if it was going to give her away that easily. “Anyway, I want an interview, an outsider’s opinion on the Commonwealth.”

Copper sighed and sat down on the reporter's couch as Piper got out her pen and paper. “Alright, let’s get this over with.” If it weren’t for the… surprisingly loud woman in front of her, she’d probably be asleep in seconds.

“Let’s start with a name? I don’t think ‘Blue’ is going to be all that relatable to my readers.”

“Blue?” Where on earth did Piper get that? But a name, a real-ish one at that… Copper paused to think, “Uh, Nancy. Yeah, my name’s Nancy.” She was lying through her teeth and hoped Piper didn’t notice. “And I’m from Vault 111.”

“Uh-huh,” Piper jotted some notes down. “And what was life like there, hidden away from the outside world?”

Copper hummed to herself, not willing to divulge her  _ real  _ time in the vault. “Normal. Nothing out of the ordinary.”

_ Keep it short and simple. _

Piper squinted at her, obviously not totally buying it. “Normalcy is a bit of a relative concept in the Commonwealth, but okay. I can work with that,” she continued writing down her notes, not bothering to needle her more about it.

The reporter continued, asking Copper what she thought of the Commonwealth as it is, and she answered truthfully this time: from what little she saw, people were trying to pull themselves together, even after everything, and she was actually hopeful for the future. At least that seemed to appease the reporter

“So, I’m sure you’ve heard about the Commonwealth’s boogeyman by now,” Piper leaned in, ready to drop her bombshell question. “What’s a vault dweller’s take on the disappearances, and the assumption that the Institute is behind them? What would you say to the families of those who’ve had someone go missing?”

Copper looked at her, confusion in her eyes. “Wait, what’s the Institute?”

“That, Blue, is the biggest mystery in the Commonwealth,” Piper stated, leaning back and only somewhat surprised that someone fresh from a vault may not have heard of them. “No one really knows who or where they are, but their handiwork is all over. Just look at their synths; synthetic people. Some say they replace the people that disappear, and some say they infiltrate communities as spies for the Institute, but no one knows for sure.”

Copper couldn’t hide her shock – there were actual, real human-like robots? “Well, I mean when you put it that way, it sure sounds like this Institute could be behind a lot of that. But, what I’d say to the families?” She thought for a moment. What would she want to hear if she had someone go missing? “I guess, just don’t lose hope. No matter how much you want to give up, don't. That you'll see them again. Or at least, that you'll know the truth.”

Piper seemed satisfied with that answer, thankfully, and she was free to leave a few moments later. She needed some air and really wanted a chance to see what Diamond City had to offer. All she knew was that it was one of the largest settlements around, as well as one of the safest, which was kind of a given seeing the massive wall around the place.

A quick glance around from the entrance to Piper’s office had her nearly spinning from all the activity around her, even despite the early morning hours. Vendors were hawking goods and shoppers buying them even faster, there was a robot at the center of the market offering noodles to hungry citizens, and all of this happening in the middle of an irradiated wasteland.

Copper made her way to a weapons dealer first and quickly discovered that the new currency of the age was bottle caps of all things. She was glad she’d gathered up enough goodies from the few people and things she’d had to kill before arriving that she was able to have a bit of spending money to her name, more than enough to buy more ammo and still have enough left over for whatever else she might need. The shop next door, she guessed was a general type store. There, she bought a handful of stimpaks, as well as a simple bag to carry them, as well as her ammo and Pip-Boy in.

By the time she was done shopping, she was dead on her feet. She’d overheard someone mention a Dugout Inn, but had no clue where in this maze of a town it could be, so she started to wander. Copper found herself meandering around the alleyways behind the marketplace, still wondering what Mama Murphy had meant by finding answers here. She didn’t even know what she was finding answers  _ for _ , so how was she supposed to find them? She passed a sign for a detective agency, but what was she supposed to say? “ _ Hey I don’t know why I’m here or what I’m looking for, can you help? _ ” Why did that old woman have to be so cryptic? The most she learned today was that she stuck out like a sore thumb, people got kidnapped and blamed some secret organization, and somehow commerce and capitalism were still alive and well after the end of the world.

Rather, she  _ thought _ those were the only things she’d learned until she passed by a couple of men speaking in hushed tones to one another.

“They’re the only ones bringing the fight to the Institute.”

“You mean the Railroad? Those guys don’t even exist, man.”

“No, my cousin knows a guy who works for ‘em. They even have a passphrase: ‘Follow the Freedom Trail’.”

_ Huh _ . She could remember something about a Freedom Trail from before. Copper thought it had something to do with Boston Common, though she was surprised to hear that even still existed today.

_ Well, it’s not like I’ve got any better ideas. _

She figured that could be a lead for tomorrow. Finally, she came across the inn and all but stumbled through the door, and straight to the two bickering owners. Ten caps got her a little room and a grubby excuse for a bed, but for as tired as she was, it may have well been a five-star hotel and spa. It couldn’t have been more than a minute before she was dead to the world asleep.


End file.
